Pwntendo, seriously

I'll keep it short and sweet this time round, since I still have a couple of pages to translate today before I can call it a day.

Big Brain Academy arrived a couple of days ago and I've been having real good time with it since then, as it's just a damn fun app. Mentioned it to my mother in passing a few times, but only today I could actually show the thing to her properly and let her have a go at it. And mind you, she's never held the DS in her hands before now (well, maybe a couple of times -- turned off and closed). Having shown her all the minigames so that she wouldn't have to trouble herself with the English too much, I let the unit lying on her living room table for her to pick up and try out when she felt like it. (Good way for me to actually get more work done, by the way, with the DS out of the way for a while.) So after a couple of hours she brings it back to me, saying she liked it, though still quite slow at it and all, but she needs to give it back for the time being... because it's too addictive.

Now I know I'm saying nothing new here, but if a single video game can bring together an avid gamer and his non-gamer mother -- whoever made that game has got to be on to something. Sure, it's not like this is anything life-changing or whatever. Still, it's just nice and I felt like mentioning it here. So -- Pwntendo, right?

In other related news, I've just watched the first couple of minutes of GameSpot's "We just got Wii" marathon (paused to post this entry, and well, to get some more work done, since the vid's quite a long bugger) and I can't be more psyched. No, wait, I can: once I see more of it. And hell, somehow come December 8 I expect some more experiences like the one described above.

The retardedness threshold?

Perhaps I'm rushing things, but I might have just found a game that's too retarded to play. And I'm talking story, not gameplay. But let's take it one step at a time.

A while ago my curiosity made me download the PC version of Onimusha 3. The thing had been idling on my hard drive (very much like many other games, I must say) until my latest gamepad purchase (a very sweet Logitech Dual Action with a disarming "Works with Windows Vista" label on the box) provoked me to play a console port and that's where Onimusha came in handy.

And let me be allowed to say this: oh, my, god. To say that the cutscenes I saw during the first 15 minutes of gaming made me cringe would be an understatement, I think. Ok, so there was a lot of blood -- and I presume that's supposed to be a good thing here. However, the amounts of rubbish coming out of the characters' mouths, the sheer volume of cheap cliches packed into just a few minutes of action and dialogue... Somehow, silly games from the days of old don't really bother me. I remember playing a solid share of dumb games when I was younger, I can also enjoy a dumb SNES rom on my emulator with no problems, of course as long as it's fun to play. I guess I assume it was "back then" and they "didn't know better." But here we have a game that came out in 2005. A game with frikkin' Jean Reno -- so somehow I'm assuming Capcom should know better. But no, we have modern-day Frenchmen speaking French and medieval Japanese men speaking, naturally... English, we have ghoulish Samurai monsters falling from the Paris sky, we have people running in the streets and getting slaughtered the way only C-movie extras know how, we have the most cliche Japanese duel you could imagine practically first thing after starting the game, we have French tough guys shooting way too many bullets, yelling "Eat this!" and a bunch of other macho talk even The Rock would refuse to utter, we have one of them getting hit and telling the other to leave him behind, and naturally we have the said other refusing to obey... And yes, all of that within the first dozen minutes... I'll be honest: I'm really afraid what might come next.

I hate being judgmental, but somehow I feel this game embodies all that is wrong about the Playstation 2 generation. For while in the distant past most games were just as silly, they were simplistic enough for people not to get bothered. There was nothing compelling about the story itself, and nothing "realistic" about the whole premise. But this to me is another thing altogether. Today we have means of putting together something which is "good," even if just as fantastic (for instance, I've also recently been playing Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones -- and there's a game which pulls it off quite nicely). Why dumb it down that much for the all-to-eager teenage audience?

And yeah, I guess I'm just getting old and preachy, and the next thing I know I'll be burning piles of GTA boxes in the middle of a street, wearing an "I love Jack Thompson" t-shirt. But maybe not...

I'll still give this game a chance. Maybe I will have to take back all the crap I said here. Watch this space.

PS. On an unrelated note, I've just found a bunch of user reviews dissing the hell out of the Dual Action, saying how damn faulty it is. I've always trusted Logitech and it's been nothing but good to me, so this has me puzzled... On the bright side, this gamepad seems to be second generation (it looks just a little bit different than in all the pictures online, including a different -- better, I think -- d-pad and one extra button labelled "mode") so maybe it's been improved. Not to metion the lovely Vista tag I mentioned above.  

Countdown

Yes, I am holding my breath for the Wii. Never a console user till DS, I'm nonetheless excited about this thing. Some might say it's actually the reason I'm excited about it. Well I don't know. All I know is that December can't come soon enough. I'm aware that it's not gonna be the best thing since sliced bread -- and I even have to say I'm just a tad bit bothered by just how much behind the "real" next-gens it will be -- and also I know it will be a damn money drain and I'm a little afraid of that, I'm still getting some of that Cartman syndrome (for those who have seen the South Park episode). Incidentally, although the launch titles I'm looking forward the most are Zelda, Call of Duty 3 and Raving Rabbids (in that order, I guess), I've realized today that I should postpone CoD3 till later. I mean c'mon, with one epic game like Zelda, I don't really foresee myself playing another one at the same time, albeit so very different. So now it's either Excite Truck or... hell knows what.

In related news, I'm trying to find ways to curb my appetite. So now instead of just waiting for the Wii to come out, I'm also waiting for Big Brain Academy and Metroid Prime: Hunters I won on eBay to arrive. The. Wait. Is. Bad. I guess I didn't think it over as well as it first seemed, hehe... Also, Pro Evolution Soccer 6 launches tomorrow here in Poland. Wonder if they haven't postponed it again. Wonder if my preorder will be waiting for me tomorrow. If so, there's hope the Wii also will come December 8. Gah, I'm monothematic, aren't I?

And yeah, if I keep posting to this blog as, ahem, often as once a month, I'll just go hit myself with a broomstick.

Edit: It's "tomorrow" already and now I see the website I preordered Pro Evo at says November 10. Puzzling question: was I just making stuff up in the first place or have they really postponed it again?